The Top 10 Steps to DeStress
By Pam Woods

Do you feel tense and anxious at work? Do your co-workers and/or
boss make you crazy? Is your personal life less than blissful? If
so, you've got stress. If you're like most people you've sought
refuge from this situation by trying a quick fix or two like calling
a friend, walking the dog, or going away for the weekend in an
attempt to escape it all. While these strategies may serve as
temporary diversions, nothing in your life changes when you return
to your routine.

Stress is internal, which explains why it can wreak havoc on your
health. It feels awful...it's the sense that you're not in control.
The easiest way to mitigate its effect is to take charge of the one
and only thing you have the power to control...YOU, and let go of
what you can't control. The beauty of this recipe is that by taking
control of your life, external or outside things will change in
response to your internal changes. Here are 10 steps to destress for
your present and future:

1. Heal yourself.

Dr. Bruce McEwen, who wrote The End of Stress As We Know It,
suggests that eliminating stress comes right from your grandmother's
journal. He says the most effective steps you can take are the
simplest: exercise, a healthy diet, regular sleep, moderate to
minimal alcohol intake, and no smoking. This, he notes, is the most
sophisticated, up to the minute, cutting edge science available!

2. Get organized.

Physical clutter reminds us of things that need to be done and
that's stressful. Remove your physical clutter and you'll eradicate
your mental clutter, plus you'll feel energized. Please go to
http://topten.org/public/AG/AG306.html for a simple organizing
solution that will work on any space.

3. Set boundaries.

Boundaries act as a filter to keep you safe from the hurtful
behavior of others while allowing in the love, support and nurturing
actions we all need. Set your boundaries by: (a) determining what
others cannot do to you or in your presence and (b) sharing this
information respectfully with anyone who is stepping over one of
your boundaries.

4. Take time for yourself.

Put together a list of all the things you love to do but haven't
regularly made time to do. Put your list in priority order and enter
the top five to seven items into your daily calendar. Your list may
include things as simple as journaling, reading a great book, taking
a bubble bath, yoga, etc. You'll be more successful getting to these
activities when you give them a time and place on your calendar.

5. Be positive.

William James, the father of modern psychology said, "The greatest
discovery of my generation is that man can alter his life simply by
altering his attitude of mind." In other words, what you say and
what you tell yourself impact the present and create your future.
Love yourself and use the power of positive words, pleasing thoughts
and affirming beliefs to live the life you want to live.

6. Work in a career you love.

If you're like most people, you spend the majority of your waking
hours at work. You'll know you're in the right profession when: you
wake up anxious to go to work, you want to do your best daily, and
you know your work is important.

7. Surround yourself with a supportive community.

You are who you spend time with. Hang out with people who love and
accept you just the way you are, are interested in you (not what you
can do for them), lift you up (not wear you down), solve problems
quickly, don't gossip or complain, and know how to have fun.
Anything is possible with the right support.

8. Learn to say, "No."

We've all been influenced by people in our life who tell us we
should do this or we ought to do that. As a result, we may end up
living a life that others have decided for us versus living the life
we want. So, the next time you think of something you ought to do or
someone else suggests you should do, take a breath and ask yourself
if it's something you want to do. If not, just say, "no" or "no
thank you." When you say no to things you don't care to do, you are
saying yes to you and this will free up your time and energy for the
things you choose to do. Bottom line - you'll be happier.

9. Zap tolerations.

A toleration is something that irritates you and drains your energy
because it needs to be done, fixed, removed, or changed. If you're
like most people you may be tolerating 100 or more things! Put
together a list of all the things that bug you, e.g. a dripping
faucet, money concerns, your weight, shopping and running errands,
not enough time, computer files out of control, your hair, a room
that needs to be painted, etc. When your list is complete, group
like items and see if one solution will eliminate multiple
tolerations. For example, if you have piles of clothing in each
bedroom, dirty windows and dust bunnies on your floor, hiring a
housekeeper will zap all three tolerations. Line up a housekeeper,
today. Then, commit to spending a chunk of time each week to zap
your other tolerations. If you have a toleration that you don't have
the skill or know-how to fix, consider calling an expert or seek out
a skilled professional to trade services with.

10. Get your needs met.

A "need" is not an option, it is something you must have to function
fully. It is differentiated from a "want" in that a want is
optional. Unmet needs can drive you to distraction and worse.
Determine what needs you have that aren't being met, if any, and
then take the appropriate action to get them fulfilled. Example: If
you've taken a big hit and are going through a career transition,
ask a good friend to call you two or three times a week to check in
with you and give you support. Other options include calling your
own voice mail and leaving supportive messages or hiring a coach who
specializes in career transitions. When you acknowledge and satisfy
your needs, you will be free to focus on other areas of your life.

If you want to be happier and more successful, focus on the things
you have the power to control.

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